This Holy Longing

Wed, 14 May 2008 20:57:21 GMT

Return of the Ice.

My Frost Twin Shiwoos (points to icon) have been rehomed (happily and joyfully, yes yes!) and it's just entirely coincidental that this boy showed up here yesterday with a touch of blue frost about him. Truly. I ordered the 15boy body and an Elysia head in white when Dollstown restocked their boy bodies last month. I wasn't entirely sure what I was going to actually DO with a 15boy body, but they are so thin on the ground lately that I felt I couldn't miss the opportunity to bring one home. And I threw an Elysia head into the order because I so long for a whiteskin Elysia ghost on the 13girl body...but have had no luck, so far, procuring the body. However, when I opened the box yesterday, imagine my surprise to see that Dollstown shipped my order as a complete doll!!!! And he works beautifully. I really feel validated about him being a boy because of the fact that he was shipped complete and because, well, as you can all see, he IS a frosty IceKing, isn't he?????

SWOONING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tue, 13 May 2008 16:47:52 GMT

Whoa. milk_eye check these out - I'm still picking my jaw up off the floor. Yes, they could be a teensy bit darker, but that would make it an entirely different shoot, though. So much hard love for the stilt walker being fed with chopsticks. And of course, there is always love for tattooed clowns. Heh.

http://community.livejournal.com/foto_decadent/1765638.html?#cutid1

No spoilers for last night's House M.D. but much disappointment with fuckery. Unless there's going to be a brilliant and unforseen conclusion next week with the S4 finale. But only one conclusion would truly satisfy ME. Ahem. And I think I am going to write Dean/House for my rarepair fic.

Chan makes me want to vomit. I wish it would not ever ever ever be posted publicly. Scrawl that shit out on notebook paper and stuff it under your mattress and read it by flashlight under your sweaty covers. But spare the rest of us.

Loving my new ink and thinking that I might go with another Durer angel on the inside of my calf...Listening to Cohen this morning and the lyrics 'the holy and the broken hallelujah' jumped out at me and I briefly considered adding that, but I've really decided to stay away from lyrical ink...unless it was something culled from Cave and even then....My dad saw the angel on Saturday and went nuts over it - said he loved it! My mom stayed mum. ;)

For some reason known only to the Trickster Gods, a hundred dollar bottle of single malt Speyside was on the "half off and more" rack at Safeway. Hell yeah. Got it for $35!!! wo0t! Seriously addicted to single malt scotch.

Mon, 12 May 2008 23:02:35 GMT

What a crazybusy weekend! A belated but heartfelt Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers and mothers-to-be on the flist!

We spent most of Saturday at the home of one of my sisters. It was their last weekend in the house and they aren't for sure in regards to where they might or might not be moving/living/working in the next year. The Recession has certainly hit them hard and Power Executives seem to be expendable, so...they are looking for a New Life, but want one just like the Old Life. This situation made for a rather tense and somewhat melancholy "party." But much food was consumed and single malts drunk and kidlings got to swim and horseshoes got tossed, so I would say, overall, it was a success. My Bostonian mother got a lobster and she was happy but I hate seeing them go into the pot, so I was not happy. I know, I know, hypocritical if I'm going to eat tri-tip instead, but at least the live steer don't show up before the 'que, right?

And then on Sunday we spent the day hiking with the mother of The Viking and that was a blast! A four-mile roundtrip hike that included wet tuna fish sandwhiches, swimming, water snakes, and a kidling who whined the entire time about a bad shoe choice. We really had a great time, though. Pictures -

See the water snake? And do you see the fishie right under it...waiting and hoping and dreaming, methinks....

See the crazy thirteen year old kidling?

Caught The Golden Compass Friday night and we laughed so bitterly we had to turn it off three-quarters of the way through. I know we all discussed at length, last fall, my feelings about the books and Pullman's Satanism, but still, I would never have wished such a crappy screenplay adaptation on anyone. Anyone. It was THAT bad.

Also began Doctor Who and how much fun is that???? And Lost arrives day after tomorrow.

I've tried to search the internet to feed my Supernatural addiction and download S3 eps but to no avail. Anyone, anyone know where I can watch S3 online???

Read Penelope Lively's "The Photograph" the other day. And...it was interesting. Overall, I think it failed, but it won the Booker and it's very British and there are some fantabulous passages about memory and some haunting insight into how we don't really care for one another, but still, I put it in the giveaway box.

I'm not finding much to blow my mind in prose form lately. Suggestions?

I am reading the most amazing nonfiction collection titled "The Female Thermometer." I'm taking it in small bites as I really shouldn't be driving my braincar off the road I'm currently barrelling down in regards to writing Original. This is exactly the type of book that crawls into my brain and lays its parasite eggs in my grey matter and then they hatch and wriggle and squirm and I no longer can think of a thing except their soft bodies.

Lalalalala. That last paragraph was weird. But true. Weird but true.

What are people reading, watching, listening to????

And House M.D. tonight - I love Hugh Laurie without his clothes on. I do.

Mon, 12 May 2008 22:22:03 GMT

A doll post cuz, well three-quarters of the flist are all about the dolls. I've got a Regular Life Post in the queue, though.

So, I've got this...uh, rather expensive lens, like I mean really expensive lens. It's my Nikon 85/1.4 and it's a powerhouse. I've captured more beautiful black-and-white candid weddding and birth images with this glass than any other lens I own. I luffs it. But lately...it's been seriously blowing out highlights and overexposing and I've got a sinking feeling it's going to have to go into the shop. Not an inexpensive trip. I set up a few test shots this morning to see if I can't suss out the problem myself, but didn't have much luck. I did manage, though, to use three different dolls for models and that was fun.

This wee angel is still here and still delightfully without paint. I love him like this. He sits on a large jewellery chest of drawers on my bureau and makes me smile every morning.

My beautiful boy has been temporarily de-winged and I found the wig I had originally purchased for my Charon plans last year the other day so he's been wearing that. I dig this look and this guy sits on top of the computer tower right here on my desk. He discomfits most of the men who come over to drink with The Viking as he's sans clothing, but I won't be persuaded to dress him or move him. I've got a pair of Soom normalskin tone hands purchased, they should be shipping out this week! Can't wait to see if they are a better resin match.

This is a brand-new-to-me girl! She's a Dollstown Sia with the amazing 7body in orientalskin. Her arrival knocked me sideways and convinced me that Dollstown now owns me, in the same way Dollshe owns me. These dolls ARE art, there is no question and I would love nothing more than to collect every sculpt that DT produces. I'm not sure if that's a feasible idea, but I do have this girl now - yay! - two Elysia heads, and a 15boy body on its way here this week! I'll have to do a special shoot with this girl so you, too, can see how lovely the body is - she's double-jointed in her torso. That's my most favourite articulation!!! The above is just a quickie temp pierrot face-up - an experimental idea...I'm torn between two choices with her - clown/pierrot/harlequinn or a heavily freckled sweet girl. These molds just utterly lend themselves to heartfelt melancholic interpretations and her small face is just beyond wonderful with a ginger face-up and a braided ginger mohair.

Wed, 07 May 2008 19:33:57 GMT

This will knock you sideways -

http://community.livejournal.com/foto_decadent/1759567.html?#cutid1

The Joan of Arc shot has just rendered me speechless.

I think I need to ask my tattoo boy to add some shading to the angel's face. See? The first-week inked waffling continues. I got checked out, head to toe, by a rugged tattooed ManBoy in Starbucks this morning. That was entertaining and made the ridiculous price of a vendi mocha worthwhile. Heh.

Writing rather than photographing.

Whassup, flist?

Sat, 03 May 2008 15:05:27 GMT

No tattoo pictures. Yet. Fresh Ink photos - not so good, right? It's hurting like Hell today, but it still looks fantastic. I'm really jazzed. I love my artist but I was a tiny bit doubtful about this piece and he just put all those ridiculous fears to rest. The Viking stayed with me, which was great and kept my wandering lustful self from concentrating on this beautiful boy, his weird beard, his intent gaze and his latex-gloved hands....on my body....mmmmm...... ;) I did wish that I had brought the camera, for all of you! (And that reminds me, whatever happened, dear ashbet to our Covert ManBoy Photographing plans????? We NEED to begin a comm for that very thing - I want to SEE all the hawt ManBoys out there in the world....)

It's Prom day and I'm going to be out of the office for most of it. Busy, busy. We're leaving the mountain in a few hours for an updo appointment....then back here for preparation and then back down the hill for meetups and photos and such until I come back home and crash and stay awake waiting to hear these two return in the early morning hours. Maybe I'll watch the new Dexter disc that arrived from netflix.

The forty mile round trip to the valley is beginning to kick me in the wallet. Hard. Even with the Volvo, it ain't good. And last week The Viking made me switch the wagon out from Premium to Regular and now it's loud and choppy and gah. But, yeah, it's saving me some money at the pumps. The last several weeks have been hectic and I've been making the trip to town on the average of twice a day half the week! It's been expensive, and although it is good for music indulging and incubating my Original Fic, it isn't so good for the finances. Besides which, the state of the economy is affecting our business, too. I am, by nature, frugal in many things - outside of dolls, heh - but it's been really interesting for me to take a hard look at our current budget and return to practicing the type of frugality that defined my early married years. We don't carry a credit card balance and we don't have car loans. Our monthly expenses are limited to house, utilities, food. We pay cash for most things and we do shop carefully....but my monthly amazon.com bill has had to be halved and I'm back to comparison food shopping and I really forgot how much work that is! Perhaps we'll have to start sharing frugality tips, flist! At least for this year.

I've got a to-do list about a mile long, but twigling turned me on to some Post-it Notes software that I now have found indispensable. I just love making lists and crossing off items. Thanks, t!

Reading a helluva funny romp - "Lonely Werewolf Girl" by the irreverent Scot, Martin Millar. He is a bit of an acquired taste, but once you "get" his uniqueness you'll be all over him. And no worries, rillalicious, this is not YOUR werewolf novel, but I do think you would really enjoy it! Don't put down one of his books too early - yes, on first blush, it would appear that his prose is stilted, awkward and juvenile, but if you stay with it....you'll be transported into this place where you love his "voice", his characters, his humour and you'll want to lick his brain.

Alright, I'm off to begin my day!

Fri, 02 May 2008 22:27:35 GMT

Three hour appointment with my tattoo artist this morning. I'm higher than the vaults of Heaven, full of endorphins, at the moment. But I'm thrilled beyond words. Beyond words.

More later.

Thu, 01 May 2008 20:55:39 GMT

From arkady! You will cheer, you might even cry a little bit.

An act of mallard-like chivalry caught on video has transformed Dustin Carrell from a friend of the web-footed into a Web folk hero. Animal lovers from as far as Wisconsin, Louisiana and Italy are praising the Lakewood police officer for safely leading a family of ducks across Highway 512 during the Monday morning commute.

A fan of the University of Oregon Ducks hailed him. A prosecutor in Snohomish County said the video “had our whole office clapping.”

The 28-year-old says he didn’t do anything special.

“I’m an animal lover,” he said Wednesday. “A lot of people associate police with protecting humans, but we also have a responsibility to protect animals.”

Carrell was off duty Monday and driving his patrol car back to the station. About 9 a.m., he noticed a car stopped on the westbound highway’s left lane near Interstate 5. Carrell saw a mama duck and about 10 ducklings near the median.

The other car drove off, and Carrell positioned his vehicle to shield the ducks. Eventually, the family began its trek across three lanes of traffic.

One duckling veered from the group, so Carrell set off his air horn, which sounds a lot like a quack. It made all the ducks sit and got the little one back in line, he said.

Carrell then got out of his car to escort them across the exit lane. With mama duck quacking at him, the group found its way safely into a ravine.

When it was done, Carrell dropped off his patrol car off and drove to Oregon with his wife and 7-month-old daughter to visit relatives.

He didn’t know he would become a Web sensation. A state Department of Transportation camera captured his good deed, and the video is now on the Internet.

Carrell said friends and family began calling, telling him about his newfound stardom. He checked the computer and found the video was on 20 or so Web sites.

By 5 p.m. Wednesday, the duck video had more than 98,000 views on www.liveleak.com.

Word also spread to Carrell’s colleagues at the Lakewood Police Department, which got about 25 e-mails from people thanking him, said Chief Bret Farrar.

“Just when I’ve about lost all faith in the human race, your officer has restored some of it with a simple act of kindness,” wrote a person named S. Burchardt from Portage, Wis.

The department plans to give Carrell a certificate of appreciation, along with some good-natured joshing.

Farrar said Carrell, who’s been with the department since December, has a new nickname: Ducky. A flier with a picture of ducks and a proposed motto for the department is also circulating around the station.

It reads: “We never duck our responsibilities!”

Thu, 01 May 2008 16:42:34 GMT

AARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*headdesk*

Maybe it's because I'm writing this reverse May-December, maybe it's because I'm in my forties, maybe it's because I adore all men of all ages, but I have finally fookin snapped about something I see all too often in some fandoms. Middle-aged men are NOT old, they do not suffer from erectile dysfunction, they are not attractive despite "being an old guy", they are not used up, dried up, tired, or dull. Men over forty rock fookin hard. Men over fifty also can knock you sideways. Men in their sixties...are beginning to move into another sexual territory....and men in their seventies are still willing to take a run at it....but my own experience is limited there. Heh. Young women who write in fandoms with male characters who are over forty can make assumptions that are just plain and simply AGEIST. (Viagra and its ilk have really sent a strange message to many, many women and I fear far too many men. Priapism is not funny and not something that we, as a culture, should be wanting men to move towards in a misguided attempt at normalizing sexual function. The vast majority of men AND women over forty function just fine, thank you very much, sexually in a physiological way, what happens between middle-aged ears is something that might be up for discussion moreso than what's happening elsewhere.)

If an individual has a personal experience of sexual dysfunction or physical repugnancy with the over-forty crowd, fine, write about it in your fandom of choice, but to just blithely type out ageist comments and assumptions puts me off a fic entirely. Hugh Laurie, Gary Oldman, Alan Rickman, Eddie Izzard, Leonard Cohen, Nick Cave - c'mon, who else? - are all men who are incredibly attractive and pretty damned virile in appearance, I don't want to hear about Dr. Cave's receding hairline, Rickman's paunch, Oldman's greying goatee, or how Hugh looks young for his age. And I don't want to read ageist assumptions in fandom fics or meta communities, anymore, I would rather those fangrrls write Supernatural fic then or HPVerse schoolage fic.

/rant

I'm serious.

/slight rant slippage

Okay, I have no idea how to rip dvds and make fangrrly vids but if I did I would rip me some Supernatural - yeah, yeah, I broke down and bought both seasons - and set my fanvid to this Neil Diamond gem -

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother

I think the Supernatural team should hire someone to smex that song up and put it in their show.

Much of Diamond's ouevere could really be modernized in the most delicious of ways. I love Neil, and yes, I heard that he was just the guest composer on American Idol and I downloaded David Cook's gorgeous renditions, but it's not enough. We need more down and dirty interpretations of Diamond's work. Here is my favourite Neil song of all time -

Play Me

*off to find my own middle-aged Viking*

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 19:47:47 GMT

I want to handcuff Eddie Izzard to my bed and feed him raw steak and...yeah. Please.

So, I know I've been a lame flister as of late. I just no longer have time to read and comment. If I am commenting then I'm reading - if I'm not commenting then I'm not seeing the flist because of time. I really am writing a novel. Really. And the time I'm taking out from doing that, then I'm trying to feed the Muse with doll photography. Please know that I'm not trying to ignore or slight anyone. *group hug*

Finished S2 of Supernatural and feeling quite lost. Yes, I've got some other shows on queue - Lost and Dexter, but I want Sam/Dean!!! It's going to be very, very difficult to wait for the DVD release of S3. Where's a good place to download? Although, I truly don't have the bandwidth to be doing that....but if I can find a teensy bit of restraint and just hit one ep every three weeks or so.....

And I've banished Mr. Fogg and his Eyebrows-of-Doom to the netherresinregions with the help of the insanely talented sdink!!! Here's just a teaser - a Bermann post to come! This boy is so fantabulously handsome now!

Right Until The Devil Drinks It Down

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 22:08:16 GMT

Perfect photography weather - totally overcast and the sky is silver silver silver!!!! But I just can't get this fookin body to stand at all and the wig is making me nuts - this is my original Junkie Angel - the resident Bad Boy. He's the identical twin SA Saint, so Version 1, on his Version 2 Dollshe body and I've gotten so used to the heavier Bermann as of late, since that's the body I've been photographing with the other SA Saint head....Anyway, I grabbed these shots - NOT what I was working towards and I'm getting good and tired of saying THAT. Sheesh. I need a dollie photag assistant - someone to wrestle the resin. Hee~! So, yeah, not the best exposure on these, but that's all I'm doing. Blegh.

But, he's looking mighty Dark in these and that's why I love this boy so very much. He's just....bad.

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 15:59:29 GMT

"Your leg came to rest against mine
Then you lounged with knees up and apart
And me and my heart
We just knew
We just knew
Forevermore..."

Come Back to Camden - Morrissey. This song....guh....is simply one of the most erotically-charged songs I have the pleasure of listening to, again and again and again. Of course, Moz. I mean, of course. The man who had many of us swooning to the point of frustrated tears in our misspent youth - the man is almost more heartfelt if not as immediate as the boy was. This entire album "You Are The Quarry" is just stellar. Stellar. And funny, I think sometimes, folks forget how funny this cat is. Although, nothing funny about some of his lyrics. Then and now. "Please please please let me get what I want. This time" are lyrics that surface often out of my subconscious yearnings and they are so...perfect...so perfect. Mmmm....

The kidling with hair down to his waist wants to cut it. I'm totally bummed out and trying to not express that to him. It's his hair, his identity, he needs to do what he wants with his image. But still I'm sad. He says he want a fanned mohawk. Sigh. The jury is out but I'm sure he'll have made a decision by the end of this week.

I've made two huge doll purchases this past weekend, and I hope I'm on the right path. I just don't know....But this means that I now HAVE to commit to selling one or two of the boys here or perhaps the Masha. Is there anyone on the flist who would love to have that Volks girl as their own?

Yesterday's doll shoot did not go as intended at all and I'm growing tired of the same golden-hued winged shots...so I'm really going to attempt something New. I have to.

I stupidly and unknowingly had some icecream last night that was sweetened with Splenda. Now I've got the worst fookin migraine. Aargh.

One disc left of Supernatural and then I just lie down and cry I guess. House M.D. tonight - can't wait.

Sun, 27 Apr 2008 00:20:40 GMT

Because we all have wings, but some of us don’t know why

Intended something else entirely, but these will do.

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 19:08:11 GMT

TITLE: This Emptiness Feels Like Being Filled With Pain
PAIRING: Dean/Jo
RATING: hard G
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Not sure if I want them to be...but Dean sure has a purty mouth.
NOTES: Hee~! Songfic! *hangs head in post-adolescent shame* I know, I know, I wrote fookin SONGFIC. (I despise songfic) But it's a vapid Saturday morning here and it's either write songfic or mop the kitchen lino. Now, I have NO idea how canon this is - I've watched Supernatural ONLY up to Tall Tales and this is basically inspired by the ep before TT - Born Under a Bad Sign. So....that's as much Supernatural Canon as I've got, sorry if it doesn't work because of an arc development I haven't seen...Don't SPOIL me, though.

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

So far away. From you. And from who I want to be. With you. Far from The Roadhouse, my home, my mother, the only family I have now, yet there was such a yearning. To go. Leave. Not run away, walk away. I was filled with it. And now I know, I have discovered, it’s still only about finding bonds. Again. Forging bonds that won’t break. I wanted to see the ocean and the palm trees; instead, I’m as landlocked as I ever was. Anchored again to a place, weighed down by myself. And tethered forever, somehow, to you, Dean Winchester.

In dreams, in my dreams, waking and sleeping, you come to me, as you are, as you are, you come with the promise of what a family could be, how we could become family. Become a thing, together. Family.

Images of you solid, substantial, crooked grin, that tilt of your beautiful head, the twinkle in your eye. I know you, Dean. And you could know me. I would let you. Know me. You could put your hands on me, there. Put your mouth on me, hold my body against your own. I would whisper to you, the secret that is me. And you could hold me in your arms, tighter than I could ever hold you although I would cling to you fiercely, fiercely. There would be no more secret me, it would be a secret us, whispered in the darkness. Mouths to ears.

Oh, Dean. Where are we now, what are these places that we occupy. So far from home. You live inside me, I keep you there, against your wishes, I know. I would gladly live in you. For you.

Sing to me.

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot do this, I will not do this. What is it about you? What in you is calling to me? You are nothing like the women who eyeball me in bars, and get eyeballed back in return. Your small body, almost like a boy, your utter lack of pretense. Have you ever thought about shuckin' them worn out bluejeans and putting on a dress? C’mon, girl. The scuffed boots, your long toes, your swinging hips, the tank tees, your perfect breasts, the long length of your arm, just there, your broken nails, god, you've got elegant fingers. Beautiful There's this way, this curve in your neck that makes me see how vulnerable you are. I can't look. No makeup, your nude face, blonde hair pulled back messily. Your ear between the strands of silky hair is something I have to look away from, too, because it makes me want to put my mouth at the nape of your neck and lick my way up to that lobe and bite. I cannot do this. Please.

My father thrust a baby into my arms, my brother, and I can't put that weight down. My heart is big, Jo, my reach is not.

I’m holding Sam right now and my arms are full.

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no
I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

Some nights I go home alone and toss on the sea of my empty bed, until I finally drown in my own saltwater. Other nights, I go home with someone else beside me and I lie down on the barren desert of this bed and spend a night dying of thirst. A thirst that cannot be quenched. I think of you. Dean.

I see you, I see you, I see you.

I want to believe you’re happy. So, when I see you, I see you happy. All the way down to the chipped polish on your toenails.

I want to sit here and feel this heartache that I brought on myself. I want to feel it because it makes me remember. Remember that there are some things worth hurting over. I keep myself suspended over a chasm that cannot be bridged. It’s my pain and I nurse it the only way I know how. I drink until I can finally, finally close my eyes and sleep. I wake up, hungover, curled around myself, holding myself, and Sam is sleeping and I know wherever you are, you’re sleeping too. I wish you only the sweetest of dreams. Both of you.

And all I feel is sick and empty, most of the time, but when I am filled, I am filled with pain.

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 14:08:31 GMT

I knew my SuperSekrit Idea wasn't that Original and yet....it slays me entirely to see it being Executed on a Large Scale. Noctacarna Circus. Sigh. Ah, well, I can still have my own Noctacarna Circus of my own nefarious making, right?

The key in this hobby has always been - when you've been struck with the Idea Bolt of Lightning, you've got to leap back to your feet, and get to work, burns and frizzed hair notwithstanding. You just can't lie there on the ground, electrified by your own Cleverness, and drift off into dreaming of what it could be....

Damn.

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:20:46 GMT

Tagged by enots. List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now, shaping your spring. Post these instructions in your LJ along with your 7 songs. Then tag 7 other people to see what they're listening. Tagging: anyone who might be willing to rip and share mp3s!!!!

I listen to music nearly non-stop here. Either on the stereo, through iTunes or live (yes, there are bluegrass musicians in and out of the house). So, to ask myself what am I listening to right now means RIGHT NOW. So, I grabbed this morning's last seven songs. I never seem to hear back from the flist about sharing files - so if you dig these files or want files, tell me!

a. Knockin' On Heaven's Door - Bob Dylan
b. She Came and She Touched Me - Townes Van Zandt (RIP)
c. Nobody 'Cept You - 16 Horsepower clicky to have it all for your very own!
d. Superman's Song - Crash Test Dummies everyone, everyone should have a copy of this amazing song
e. And So Will Always - Crash Test Dummies
f. Sideways - Citizen Cope
g. The Photo Song - Holger Czukay</p>

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:53:57 GMT

This icon isn't mine, but I absconded with it because it touches me. I know, I know, how twee, an icon with crap font work somehow speaks to my heart. But it's true. And I'm not certain if one needs to be a House M.D. fan to "get" the incredible longing that this icon represents. It's HUGE. Pick me. Choose me. Love ME. Wilson just happens to be the perfect one to put that sentiment out there - he is so full of sincerity. I love this icon. It makes me .... remember.

And speaking of House-ly things. Monday night the Doctor is back and I'm just squirming in my seat here in anticipation.Cannot. Wait. I can't seem, however, to write or read a single bit of fanfic lately. The Original Fic has me firmly in its clutches, and that's an okay thing. But I've been missing the fandom. And uh, yeah, signed up to write fics in both House and BtVs. Hmmmm....And since what little energy I've got for fandom things has been directed at Supernatural, I have to laugh that neither fic has a Winchester boy, unless....we could find a way to have House crush on one of the boys - and hey, you know what, that might just work....he could develop a crush as crushing as my own on a fictional character. Sam? Or Dean? Or...uh....both? Heh. And I will personally come break the fingers of anyone who rips me off for this idea. *Izzard-like nodding yes of the head, shaking no of the head* Really. Nah. No, really. Uh, no. Yes. No.

Read my first Chick Lit book - evah - this week. Jennifer Weiner's "Good In Bed." Thanks to the flister who sent it to me! I will discuss this with her privately and in more detail, but, no. I just cannot suspend whatever hold I have on reality and grasp at the hip, contemporary "reality" of a fictional chick who is struggling with body image issues, immature relationships, implausible situations and milquetoast characters. I'm sorry if Beach Reading is something the flist holds near and dear - I enjoy pap with the best of us, I mean JRWard? Please. But....I couldn't "get" this novel. I had to keep setting it down and walking away, biting my lip to keep from railing aloud at the Universe. I'm currently up to my red-rimmed eyeballs with Cormac's "Outer Dark" and perhaps that's part of the problem. It's nearly impossible to move from dark, poetic, inbred, SouthernGoth mind-blowing prose to ChickLit. And the irony of it all - my own "novel" is absolutely the OverFortyChickLit. *dies from irony poisoning*

Cormac McCarthy is currently reigning supreme in my pantheon. *worships*

I want all the Dollstown dolls. Right. Now. Anyone know if the Elysia head will work on the 15boy body? Anyone?

thistle_verse shared this gem and now I'm sharing it with you. It's a fookin stunner. Not a fan of the female vocalist....but I am a huge fan of piano ballading. (And redheads. Always redheads.) And I kid you not when I tell you that I've now listened to this song about twenty-three times in a row.

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 02:20:35 GMT

Major girl lovin' going out to jola cuz, damn. Supernatural is tv crack. I kid you not. It took me a while....but I'm hooked. Like the crawling-around-on-the-bathroom-lino-looking-for-my-Dean/Sam-fix hooked.

Because I'm "doing" Supernatural via netflix.com I'm getting single disc doses...

I need Supernatural iconage. I need Supernatural iconage with Dean sayng "milf-action" yep, that's what I need. *dies*

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 01:39:58 GMT

A very, very sincere and heartfelt Thank You to those who took the time to comment on my Image Theft post. It really means a lot and I've had food for thought all day long. I think I've got a bit more clear idea now why the "theft" of an image posted online is such a discouraging and infuriating thought and experience for many artists and photographers!

I'm really excited about beginning to outline the Dollectable Photography Panels I'll be leading! And I'm hoping to have downloadable keynotes and slide shows after the con for those who attended and those who couldn't. I'm looking very forward to that weekend!

I had the Cute Boys (tm) over here all day long felling trees and limbing up others. It was fun to watch and I grabbed a few pictures. The mountain has a collection of these Cute Boys (tm) and these two just so happen to be cute and buff and little spider monkeys who love to climb. This particular CB is single, mid-thirties and has the most incredible body. And hair down to the middle of his back that is just gorgeous ringlets!!!

And Sam -

So, since I had to feed these guys and I hadn't planned that into the menu since this was a wondrous last-minute opportunity for them to show up and cut things up with chainsaws, I went for a stand-by that I think some on the flist might enjoy. Hearty Bean Stew. Easy and fast and the ingredients can be on hand all the time. A green salad and a loaf of shepherd's bread completes the meal.

Bean Stew
kielbasa or beef sausage - chunked small
2 cans stewed tomatoes with seasoning
1 can pinquitos
1 can white beans
1 can black beans
1 can kidney beans

Fry the chunked kielbasa in a dutch oven, do not drain. Add cans, do not drain. Bring to mild boil, turn down to simmer, serve anytime after five minutes.

This is really simple and surprisingly tasty. You can omit the kidney beans - but not the flavoured white beans.

I'm so anxious for Dollstown to restock their girl bodies. Now I'm wondering if the Elysia head will fit on the boy body - anyone know?

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 16:49:28 GMT

In an effort to understand the general feeling regarding image theft and to help efficiently compile my own thoughts on image theft and orphaned images and sharing images online, I thought I would posit some questions to the flist. I would love to hear you hold forth about your views and opinions regarding the theft of online images and the hows and whys of protecting said images. I do hold established and fairly strong opinions and thoughts about this myself, but am always open to hearing the viewpoints of others. As I am going to be teaching a few photography panels at Dollectable this summer, I'm sure the subject will come up and I would really enjoy having a well-rounded idea of how most people in the hobby view these subjects.

First, let me say that whatever my opinion is, in no way does that devalue or lessen your own opinion. And in no way am I suggesting that anyone is wrong or daft for thinking a thing.

I am a professional photographer. I get paid money to create images. Sometimes I get paid obscene amounts of money and sometimes I get paid modest amounts of money. I have had my images posted online for pay and printed in publication for pay. I have sold images as stock and created images for stock. I have shared a lot of my own work (non-people) online and have had some of my images printed in publications with no financial recompense. I have also had images stolen from me. I had an entire maternity portraiture article with photo illustrations lifted off my website and posted as an "interview" in a pregnancy ezine with NO PERMISSION or CONTACT whatsoever. I have had poses and lighting styles "stolen" and advertised as another photographer's original idea.

And you know what? It's all good. I don't really care if my work is taken. Why would I? And that's where my questions for the flist begin. Why are some folks so deeply concerned about image theft? Is it a loss of perceived monetary income? Is it a concern about legal model releases? Is it about not being credited?

Why don't I care, you ask? Well, because I KNOW the amounts of money paid for photographic work in most industries and it's nominal. Truly. Print publication for photos of just about anyone who is not a celebrity is just not even going to buy you a sushi dinner and a bottle of warm saki. Creative Theft - of poses and lighting, IS infuriating to me, but I know for a fact there is no way to market such ideas nor to copyright a pose. It just cannot be done. I did have a gal, locally, who decided to hone in on my maternity photography - not my birth or breastfeeding since I have worked hard to create special access to such image-making - and I thought about it for a long time, weighed my options, morally and legally, and ultimately decided that there's enough fish to fry for all of us and I just ignored her and her attempts to shove me out of the way. I am still working she has moved on. Being perpetually pissed off or in competition just is NOT a good way to have the creative juices flow.

So, to sum that up - I'm not worried about monetary loss, nor do I care about not being credited or having my ideas stolen because it's just not mentally healthy. For me.

And I am perfectly capable of Idea Theft too - look at the idea I shamelessly stole from Georgia and photographed -

Another issue, with the dolls, at least. Is that we're already into a grey area regarding copyright. We don't own the copyright to photographically market images of the dolls. We don't. Those rights are held exclusively by the companies, ateliers and artists who have made the dolls. I suppose that's another reason why I don't sweat the thought of someone lifting one of my doll photos and using it for whatever nefarious purpose. Quite obviously, if Mr. Dollshe contacted me and said, "hey, we really dig your DS angels and want to hire you to take resin angel photos for us" the game changes completely and I would be working for recompense and you would not see those images posted here and if they were eventually lifted by someone, there would actually be a legal leg to stand on. In the meantime, I feel so jazzed that we are able to do what we like with our doll photos online that possible image theft of those photos is not something I take personally. And I have gladly donated some of my images to whomever has asked to use them.

I don't want to post my images covered with watermarks and I don't want to flock my doll photos. If some Chinese company lifts my low-res images and vectors them up to printable size and slaps them on pencil boxes, why should I be concerned?

Someone on DoA told me that illustrators have more invested in their work. I'm sorry, but that's not true. I did work as a graphic artist for a year for Tower Records back when we only had Apples and camera copy and things were finished by hand. I'm aware of the amount of work that goes on there. Good photography requires the same time and the same technical investments.

I really hope some of you will take the time to share your thoughts with me about these subjects.

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 18:32:13 GMT

I know I promised the flist a pic of the cool wheels I drove in me olde poonk rock daze - here be the beast herself -

Sadly, that's the pic I took to list it on Ebay. It's gone daddy gone, but my thirteen year old is mad for Lincolns and we've been shopping for a black-on-black late 60's Mark III. That, my friends is a car that needs its own church. I kid you not.

And I realized yesterday, whilst waiting at a gas station listening to Nick Cave's funk-o-rama latest - Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!! - that that album needs to be heard through serious bass woofers installed in the trunk of a suicide-doored Lincoln and played LOUD enough to make ya bleed. THAT's what that album is all about. *gets it now*

Off to shop for a prom dress. Wish me patience, flist. Hee~!

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 21:17:23 GMT

Look at what I have! The most beautiful and haunting girl ever to be cast in resin. She's beyond the beyonds and I am forever grateful to the person who helped me bring her home. She IS normal skin and I have her on the pinky-white Masha body - the resin match is not the best, she's more yellow than the body, but the proportions are aesthetically just what I had wanted. I want a GIRL. Of course I am going to hold out for the Dollstown body - and I may just go ahead and bring home another Elysia head in white with the white 13girl body, too. She's the perfect ghost.

This is a quick test shot for resin comp - any Volks experts out there who can recommend a better tone match? Does Volks make a double-jointed girl body? I am planning on all sorts of photographic interp with her. Stay tuned.

More later - I've got a ton of the flist to catch back up on and housework and brownies to bake and an allergy-induced headache to nurse ...

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 18:33:28 GMT

it is a fearful thing to love what death can touch

My friend's dog is slowly dying today and his heart is broken. There is no comfort that can be offered to him.

~***~

No one on the flist seemed to be in possession of the ultra-rare and beyond the beyonds double disc soundtrack to Donnie Darko - so I searched and searched and finally found a copy of my very own in Switzerland! Heh. Now I own it *grabby hands* but am more than willing to share mp3s if anyone wants some of it. It's a funny thing to me to re-visit these tunes from my own misspent youth through my children. We used to call this New Wave and us Industrial Punks hated it. I mean, like laughed our asses off at it. Tears For Fears? Please. But now....this melodic, haunting music has really withstood the ravages of two plus decades and I can now appreciate it in ways I never could twenty years ago. What a fookin snob I was. And I was! I admit it freely. And I cringe every time I try to queue up some of the music that made my ears bleed back in the day - it's wrenching how....bad...it is. And I say that lovingly. Bad, bad, bad. Truly, try listening to The Gun Club now and it's just poor musicianship poor mixing poor recording...but the lyrics still glitter and cut, it's just the musicality that makes it unlistenable. Some New Wave bands are still downright silly - Flock of Seagulls - but overall, the music has aged nicely. *still loves Jeffrey Lee*

Jonesing for Supernatural - will be in tomorrow's mail. And getting very excited about the new and last four episodes of this Season's House M.D.. Cannot. Wait. Which reminds me that I signed up for two fic comms - have to write rarepair House and Giles/Willow. Eep. I better get on those!

Too many dolls. Just. Too. Many. I've been packing up a much loved doll that is going to be re-homed across the pond and although it's made me sad, it's for the best. THAT has inspired me to clean and pack away - the Haute Hound, the IM Hound head, the SA Hound head, and a Saint head. If I can live without those boys for a month or two, they are going to be rehomed. And I also have an incredible head on its way here - maybe tomorrow, maybe Friday! *teases flist* Buying this head has reaffirmed my faith in the dollery. Now I just need a body!!!! Ain't got no body.

I want to get rid of my bedroom set and begin again. I don't know why I want to do this, I just suddenly and inexplicably and with fervour want to do this. The Viking is frowning about the money.

Enough ramblings for you, flist?

ABJD Tarot - The Magician

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 23:09:30 GMT

Played with The Boy a little bit today. I shoot only in natural light, outside in open shade, but today it's fookin ass-freezin' cold out there, so I ran outside and shot a handful of pictures then ran back inside and drank hot tea and basically accepted that whatever I got is what I'm going to get today. Heh.

I'm going to buy a normal skintone pair of the Soom hands today or tomorrow. I did try them on a whiteskin Dollshe body and the match still isn't perfect. They are truly bone white and make the DS body look downright creamy in tone. I'm hoping the ns pair will be a match for the Bermann body above, cuz, damn, it's all still about the Perfect ARTiculated male for me and the Bermann body is such a vital part of the perfection.

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 18:24:38 GMT

This and that ramblings ....

... Yay, Birthday Weekend! Thank you, thank you flist for the birthday wishes!!! Now I'm older than old dirt. But, *shrugs* I guess that's okay. I dig myself - body and soul and am just sorry with each passing year that I'm getting closer to not being able to keep hanging out on this plane, because I truly enjoy it. Every single moment. Birthday was good - the Old Man is springing for what should be a very, very expensive tattoo this week or next, and I got gifted with a gorgeous vintage silver flatware set from my parents! Gorgeous 1917 Adam Community Silver service for eight complete with chest. And it's elegant and simple. I love it!!! And I got to hang out by the creek all day yesterday with extended family, que-ing and watching the boys fish turtles out of the water.

... Still enjoying the heck out of Supernatural. Thanks, jola. Although S2 Sam is just...not good. WTH? The hair the frowny face the lined forehead...I'm concerned. And the writing is still a bit hit or miss which I find incredibly frustrating. My favourite bitchfest for Supernatural is when the bros encounter someone who has just lost a loved one in some horrifying supernaturally kind of way and the actor is just...gah...incapable of emoting. It's a crack up.

... Now I'm debating the X-Files boxset and getting good recs from the flist regarding that.

.... Caught "Velvet Goldmine" the other night with the girl kidling. She, of course and predictably, went nuts. So, I got to go all hepcat on her with T-Rex and that was fun. She bought the VG soundtrack and is all over researching Glam. She did point out to me, her being a Manson fangirl, that he lifted the Jack Fairy persona in its entirety and applied it to his Mechanical Animals phase. And you know, he actually improved on it. There must be a psychological term for the personality that can do that. It's more than being a Chameleon, it's taking an idea, a presentation, a concept, a piece of Art and improving on it to the point of painful perfection. Manson plain and simply PERFECTS ideas that turn him on. And it's an amazing trait.

T-Rex - Cosmic Dancer - "I danced myself into the tomb..."

... There are two instructors I need to personally offer up gallons of gratitude to this year for helping my kidling above and beyond. One, I know how to thank. But the other...I wasn't sure what would be appropriate and I've been off and on pondering it the past few months. This morning kidling told me that this teacher is on a Cormac McCarthy kick and I was all like Hell Yeah. I KNOW he hasn't read "Child of God" cuz, damn, no one has read that. So...I'll gift him with "Child of God" and then blow his mind by adding Nick Cave's CoG tribute novel "And The Ass Saw The Angel" to the package. This is going to be very cool.

... On the dollie front, I have to take some comp Soom Jointed hand pix for DoA. I have to get some funds in my PayPal account to buy another pair of Soom hands when the fourfive days event begins tomorrow. I have to ready more doll accoutrements to sell. And I HAVE to sit with the dolls for a long moment and decide which DS boys are going to be sold.

.... And I've fallen completely madly hopelessly in love with kyotopunk's Poison. So, now I'm aggressively shopping for a whiteskin Dollstown Elysia. Anyone? DT has the head in stock but no body - anyone have a DT whiteskin body they would sell or trade?

... I've got to return to the abjd Tarot deck tomorrow, too.

... And keep hammering at the keyboard, transcribing the Original Fic out of my skull theatre.